Emotional abuse Essays - Abuse, Psychological Abuse, Cycle Of Abuse

Emotional abuse Emotional abuse comes in many forms. Sometimes, it's years worth of a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife wearing you down; sometimes, it's a romantic entanglement that takes a turn into this dangerous territory; it can even come in school under a dominating teacher; or at work under a bad boss. Whatever abuse you have suffered, you can begin to overcome the effects you've suffered today. For the purposes of keeping things clear in this article, we will alternate between genders in the steps. This article is best suited for adults in relationships where there is still room for choice. However, If youre afraid for your immediate safety, call 911. For help and advice on escaping an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224. Steps 1.Realize that you cannot change your partner, only your reaction to him or her. You can attempt to show your partner how damaging these behaviors are and how they are affecting you, and hope your partner will agree that you are being badly damaged. You can hope your partner will then make the decision to change. However, ultimately, you cannot force change. Realize that the abusiveness in your partner is rooted in multiple layers of their emotions and perspectives. Trying to change them through arguing or persuasion translates to them as the complete denial and devaluation of their experiences and realities. They will feel an immediate instinct to protect the intricacies of their own thought patterns and push your logic away in the process. Remember that you cannot argue logically with an unreasonable person. 2. Put your safety first. Your energy is most effective when you change yourself. Abusers rarely change. Think about your needs and how you can meet them while staying safe. 3. Set new, reasonable terms for the relationship with clear and consistently implemented consequences. Decide (ideally together, but if that isn't possible, decide for yourself) that you're going to learn a new way of being in this relationship. Abuse most often exists because the emotional weaknesses of the abuser demand the exercise of control or torment of others (you) to give them a feeling of emotional security and fulfillment. Read that again, because it's important: Abuse really starts because of insecurity or trust issues with the abuser. 4. Set boundaries. Abuse, in general, is an issue of disrespect that usually involves trespass upon individual's equality and freedom due to unclear or poorly-defined boundaries. If you are on the receiving end of abuse, it's up to you to set up clear, reasonable boundaries for an honorable relationship and to consistently stick to them. Let your partner know that you now recognize your responsibility in allowing the disrespect in the past, but that this era has now come to an end. Recognize the damage incurred by the previous era and establish a commitment to obtaining the support needed to forgive and restore the peace and strength necessary for mutual respect in all of your future relationships. Continuing to enforce disrespected boundaries while living with or constantly seeing an abuser will only enable and give the abuser permission to continue the abuse. Your presence is all that is needed for them to translate it into permission. Remember, you are dealing with tragic self centeredness of unfathomable depth and complexity. The abuser sees your commitment to boundaries as a sign that you approve of their abusive behavior and in some way you are there to rescue them from themselves. You are not dealing with a reasonable person. Your logic and ethics are working in the abuser's defense, not shedding a contrasting light for them to use as guidance. Do not tolerate repeated offenses longer than 30% of the total time you've been in the relationship. If you fail to stop tolerating it, then you must begin realizing your codependent streak and work against it with outside backup. You are not doomed to loneliness and the abuser does not realize or recognize how much they need you to pull away from them right now. You are not abandoning them or the relationship at this point. You have permission to separate. 5. Develop emotional intelligence. In cases of abuse, both partners are often unknowingly suppressing important emotions. Receivers of abuse